Hey Beautiful readers!
If you read along last week, I talked a lot about the morning of wedding day, but only the first half - leading up to when you get dressed. If you didn’t catch that post, be sure to read back at (https://www.thecalmbride.com/post/wedding-day-morning-part-1) to get the full scope!
So you did it… you got through your morning, it’s now a few hours before your ceremony, and it’s time to get rolling on pictures and any other coordinated pre-wedding activities. Not to be dramatic, but, First Look vs. No First Look, might be the most important decision you make as a bride and groom in order to craft the ideal wedding morning plan. It quite literally changes everything.
Here’s why.
For those of you that have already been married, you understand that the decision to do a first look is generally rooted in two main factors:
When do we want to take all of our posed pictures?
Do we want to see each other before the ceremony?
Some religions or traditions encourage the couple to do a first look and may not even allow for consideration. For example, in the Jewish religion you get married after sundown, so unless you want to take pictures in the dark, you have to do it all beforehand. Others rely on the notion that the groom shouldn’t see his bride until she is walking down the aisle - neither is right or wrong.
When doing a first look, some couples will share private vows, exchange gifts, or just revel in the joy as they approach this monumental moment in their lives. This is a huge stress eliminator for a lot of people. The second you get to see, hug and kiss your future husband or wife, all the anxiety is lifted off of your shoulders. From here, you can stay together, share a drink, and most importantly, take a ton of the post ceremony pressure away by knocking out all of your posed photos.
This includes the entire bridal party together, all of the couple shots, and sometimes even the family shots as well. You can also then attend cocktail hour and mingle with your guests which will remove any need for you to walk around during the reception to greet your guests, if you even wanted to do so. The family is the biggest question mark because you will have to ask certain people to arrive at an earlier time, and be confident you can rely on them to do so. However, if you go this route, once the ceremony is over, your “duties” are basically done.
Generally speaking the following activities will be included in this second half of your wedding day morning:
Portraits
Makeup / Jewlery Mockups
Details shots
Parents photos
Bridal Party Photos (individually and all together)
If you haven’t already noticed the pattern, your photographer is the most important contributing factor to this timeline and the proper execution of this part of the day. Almost every couple will go through these few picture sets. With the help of a photo checklist, your photographer will know exactly what pictures you want of yourselves, of the venue / details, with your family and with your party. If you do a first look, they just often happen beforehand vs. during cocktail hour.
While first looks have become increasingly popular over recent years, the impact of waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, when the groom sees his soon to be wife for the first time, will always give me chills. It’s a major motivator for some couples.
A wedding day morning without a first look will involve almost as many pictures, and a lot more communication and coordination. Once you’re dressed, the rest of your morning will entail mock up shots, first looks with other people, bridesmaids and groomsmen photos separately, and maybe some immediate family photos or parents photos. For example, my husband and I knocked out solo shots, getting ready photos with his best man and my mom/ sister and a first look with his mom, my dad, my bridesmaids and all 5 of my grandmas. I once again shout out Iyrus Weddings for their unexplainable ability to seamlessly accomplish 8 things at once.
Doing alternative first looks is a fun and exciting way to add intimate moments to your wedding day morning, and a First Touch will do this too! First touches, or some sort of “meeting” between the couple that doesn’t allow the two to see each other have also grown in popularity. This allows you to break the tension by holding hands, and hearing each other's voices, but save the element of surprise when he sees you in your dress for the first time, for that big moment. Couples will exchange private vows or gifts during this moment too, so that it provides the perfect middle ground between a first look, and no interaction at all.
So remember those two big questions we asked when we started this? 1. Do I want to see them before the ceremony and 2. Do I want to attend cocktail hour?
If these answers are no and no, you don’t do a first look, and if they are yes and yes you do. But if only it were that easy… right?!
To be completely honest, you may need to make sacrifices or compromises to “have your cake and eat it too” if you will - but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Here are some alternative timeline options that allow you to both not have a first look, and also attend cocktail hour.
Skip the posed extended family photos, take more candid documentary photos throughout cocktail hour as your photographer spots you chatting with different guests
Take as many possible photos beforehand, while separated, to cut the time for after ceremony photos down & you can still attend the back half of the cocktail hour
Extended your cocktail hour to an hour & a half
Break off during dinner and take couple photos during sunset, rather than immediately following the ceremony
Remember also, that the execution of either one of these is far from easy, and it’s why I am a HUGE proponent of padding timelines, you’ll hear me talk about it forever. If you need to be ready for your first look at 3:00, your timeline should have you in your dress by 2:45; And these things take time. Especially when there’s buttons, lace, veils, pins, and whatever else you can find that go into your final look. Allowing yourself an extra 15 minutes for each milestone event will make a huge impact on your ability to remain calm throughout the day, achieve all of your goals - and most importantly, have a moment at the end to just breathe.
I do want to quickly acknowledge that final 30 minute stretch. Typically guests are arriving, photos are wrapped up, makeup is being blotted and hair is being sprayed. Due to the guests arrival, depending on the layout of your venue, it would be ideal for your photos to be completely wrapped up by this time to avoid anyone running into the bride when she doesn’t want to be seen. Not rushing around until the final second also gives you a moment to sit down, get cool (or warm depending on the time of year and where your wedding is set), and drink some water before you get to the main event.
I can not stress enough, as a planner and previous bride, how much you should NOT underestimate what those last moments will feel like. My own business was created out of the comfort I felt on wedding day morning, but that is far from the common case, especially when you don’t have a dedicated professional taking care of logistics. If you underestimate how much time you need, or how overwhelmed you may be - you might be too stressed or too rushed to enjoy it, and you need to truly experience every second of it!
There is absolutely nothing that can compare to the last moment you look at yourself in the mirror before you walk down the aisle. Oftentimes you will be alone, and the rush of emotions is wild. Take advantage of the resources available to create a wedding day morning that is not only fun and enjoyable, but meticulously designed to accomplish your goals and keep you as calm as possible.
It seems so crazy to think about how much goes into wedding day, before the wedding even begins, but I promise if you overlook it, you’ll regret it. So whatever you do, if any of it at all, at least consider all the factors that are important to your wedding day experience, and consult an expert on the most ideal way to make it all happen.
Xoxo,
Alyssa
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