If you’re planning a wedding, or if you’ve attended one in the past decade or so, you have likely attended a welcome party or rehearsal dinner. For those of you that have no idea what this is or why you “have” to do it, I am going to break down some pros and cons of each and some important reasons why this event has become such a popular component of wedding weekends for modern couples.
First things first, you have to have a rehearsal.
In my professional opinion a walkthrough of your ceremony processional is necessary as it allows you to practice the most important part of the day. While it may seem unnecessary or excessive, some small details make a big impact, and it helps to calm everyone’s nerves when they know exactly when and to walk and what to do when they get there.
So, check that box. You’ve rehearsed the ceremony, what next? Oftentimes this happens the day before, sometimes early afternoon, other times in the evening, and it is typically followed by some sort of dinner and celebration. What is the difference between a rehearsal dinner and a welcome party? And why should you have either?
A rehearsal dinner is a more formalized gathering that precedes the wedding day. This is commonly an intimate celebration with immediate family and party members that honors their presence and participation in your wedding. This may extend to close relatives if you opt for a larger event, but often does not go much beyond that in terms of your guest list. Generally the entire wedding guest list is not invited to this event, as it serves as a “second wedding” for the ones that are covering food, beverage and rental space costs.
There are many different lengths you can go to when hosting a rehearsal dinner such as opting for a brewery and food truck, or a having full blown Italian feast. Just because you are offering to host your guests for an additional meal, does not mean you have to break the bank on this event. Oftentimes couples getting married at a hotel or country club will get a discount to also host their rehearsal dinner on-site. This option provides an elevated and beautiful setting for an intimate meal, and makes it easy logistically as you’ll already be there for the rehearsal. If your venue doesn’t offer food and beverage or you opt for something else, consider a brewery or local restaurant that may have food trucks or private event space that offer your guests a fun, but still intimate and inviting atmosphere.
On the other hand, a welcome party is generally a more relaxed and open invite style event that occurs within the day or two leading up to your wedding. This event is commonly open to all guests and serves as a way to greet everyone and get some time to chat with everyone without having that pressure confined to the wedding day. This also gives you an excuse to start celebrating early with all your loved ones. This can be done at your wedding venue if they don’t have an event the day before, but may be a much pricier option. You may also choose to do this in a private room at a restaurant or even a rented Airbnb or hotel lobby.
Ultimately, the decision comes down to personal opinion and what fits best with the couples wedding vision. It is important to note some of the downsides to each type of event which may help you determine which one is truly best for your wedding.
Rehearsal Dinner Cons:
Exclusivity: Excludes the majority of wedding guests, potentially causing feelings to get hurt or you to miss out on seeing some people for additional time.
Formality: Depending on the style you opt for with a dinner, this may be a very formal event that causes additional stress and doesn’t allow the couple or guests to just relax.
Limited guest list: Can be difficult to manage if families are large or complex. Especially if the couple's families are very different in size or relationship; and depending on the size of the wedding party, you may or may not be including their significant others. It does put additional strain on the couple to narrow this down.
Welcome Party Cons:
Planning: Requires additional planning and coordination alongside the main wedding events as you will need a much larger space and to account for a larger group of people to be fed and entertained.
Attendance: May not be well-attended if guests are tired from travel or don’t plan to come the day before. It is also much harder to estimate as sometimes there is no RSVP required due to its open invite nature, with no commitment.
Overshadowing: If too extravagant, it could overshadow the main wedding day. If guests get too rowdy they won’t be feeling their best for the wedding day.
With all that being said, I personally enjoy both. And as an industry professional I see purpose and value in either option. As I always heavily promote that everything should be exactly to the couples’ liking, the night before is no different. Here are some reasons couples may opt to have one or the other:
Rehearsal Dinner:
They would love to see everyone, but want to be able to just relax, get to bed early, and have an easy night before wedding day. The rehearsal dinner is over at an earlier time, and will not require additional social attention.
They do not have the space, nor the budget, to accommodate potentially even half to three quarters of their guests in an additional event space.
While guests are appreciated for their travel to the wedding, the couple wants to use this time to honor the extra commitment their immediate family and wedding party have given to their event over the course of their engagement.
Welcome Party:
The couple wants to be able to hang out with as many guests as possible so the pressure to greet guests and express gratitude for their attendance is not looming over them on wedding day.
They are aiming at having more of a “wedding weekend” and want to extend the celebration to the day before to make it not only worth the travel, but more of an elaborate event that culminates their love.
For couples having destination weddings or even just weddings where the majority of guests travel, this does give them something to do and makes them feel welcomed after a long day of travel.
They may want more time for their family and friends to engage outside of the wedding day. Sometimes distant family members or long-distance friends may not have an opportunity to meet until wedding day, and a welcome party will set the stage for mingling amongst your guests without being confined to a table they’re assigned or having a schedule to follow for the wedding.
There are some “traditional” components that I don’t actually believe fit perfectly into one or the other. Pre-wedding speeches for example. Oftentimes people have additional guests: maybe mom or cousins, bridesmaids, or even just close friends speak at their rehearsal or welcome party. While the rehearsal dinner provides a more formal setting for this, and you will likely be following more of a timeline and organized structure around your meal, the welcome party still serves as a great place to have people give speeches and eliminate having too many on wedding day. It is even cool for those doing a welcome party to offer an open mic and see if anyone in attendance wants to say a quick few words about the couple - you might get something beautiful and great!
I feel obligated to state what may be obvious, but to some could appear as overkill. That is, of course, having… Well, BOTH! You can opt for a small intimate dinner after your ceremony rehearsal and put a later time on the invite to the rest of your guests and open it up for cocktails and dessert. You can have dinner and then go somewhere else for a welcome party, you can have a big cocktail style welcome party that also serves as your rehearsal dinner. Of course it wouldn’t be a Calm Blog without me reminding you to get creative with how you plan for The Night Before.
Don’t neglect this part - and make it as big and extravagant or as laid back and casual as you’d like. Most importantly, have fun with it.
Eat different types of food than you’re serving at wedding day
Wear a fun jumpsuit or short dress
Buy the BRIDE earrings
Give your guests a dress code
Get the taco truck
Ask your friend to bring her camera so you can capture the day
This really does provide you with an opportunity to bring in personal touches from your relationship and not worry that all eyes are on the details, because it isn't the wedding. At the same time, it isnt your wedding. So... order the Publix sub tray and some chick fil a nuggets, buy some cold beers or tell your guests to bring their own wine down to the hotel lobby. Your guests will only expect what you tell them you’re providing so remember that the only thing that matters is you get the time with the people you want, and the vibe you want the night before your wedding day.
I have found some beautiful rehearsal dinner venues around the greater northeast Florida area, but if you or someone you know has found a spot you love, please share! I love finding unique spots that couples use as the backdrop for their pre-wedding events.
Xoxo,
Alyssa
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