Hey Beautiful Readers!
I had an exciting weekend attending a wedding on the water at The Davis Island Garden Club in Tampa. This wedding featured a completely outdoor setting, mismatched bridesmaids dresses, sisters walking the bride down the aisle, a local cuban restaurant catered buffet, and a dress change that was just chefs kiss. Living in such a diverse country, it is common to see a marriage joining two people of different religions, cultures, upbringings, and lifestyles. Wedding traditions are a culmination of all of those things and this week, I thought it would be a perfect time to talk about that elephant in the room.
What are traditions? Do I have to follow them? What if I don’t want a “traditional” wedding? What even is a traditional wedding?
The truth is, it looks different to each of us. The most important thing is to understand all of the traditions relevant to you and your partner and choose to incorporate those that mean something to you and will have an impact on your day.
Some of the “traditions” that we talk about are rooted in history and typically carry a heightened sense of relevance to love / partnership / marriage. These traditions are commonly recognized, and have been passed down from the weddings of our parents and grandparents generation. Without even realizing it, exchanging wedding rings is a tradition.
Other common traditions include:
The Bride Wearing White
Something old, new, borrowed, and blue
Giving away the bride
Sharing a first dance
First Look
Cutting the cake
The bouquet toss
Flower girls / Ring Bearers
Throwing rice
Writing Vows
The bride's family paying for the wedding
Matching bridal party attire
Grandparents part of the wedding processional
Grand Exits
Father walking the bride down the aisle
Father Daughter / Mother Son Dances
The list goes on and on. Each one of these is a decision that you and your fiance make together based on what you’d like the wedding day to look like. And shaking up traditions is one of my favorite ways to add unique touches to your wedding.
My husband and I come from extremely different backgrounds, not only our religions, but also the regions we grew up in, and the customs we had been exposed to. We chose to include traditions such as wearing a white dress, writing our own vows, cutting the cake and doing a grand exit. At the same time, we broke traditions, not including grandparents in the processional, no ring bearer or flower girl, a mother daughter dance, and no bouquet toss.
Some unique ways to modify traditions and add unique touches to your wedding day include:
Black bridal gown
guest dress codes
themed / mismatched bridal party attire
No bridal party
sharing a first dance after dinner
private last dances
Splitting the payment between the couple and their parents
Garter toss
Cupcakes / alternate desserts
Reception dresses
Sneakers and flats
I could write a blog on each of those ideas and all the other unique spins that pull on traditional roots. The joy of being a wedding planner is that over time, I get to help brides pull off these and so many more alternatives and create their own traditions to share with their families.
The reason I call traditions the elephant in the room, is because oftentimes we learn about them from the older generations in our family, and what was once important for them to incorporate in their weddings, may not mirror what’s important to you in yours. Use them as a starting point for creating your own ideas. (and to all my mother of the bride / groom readers, remember this ;) )
It can not go without mentioning that cultural and religious traditions oftentimes can not be ignored, or altered, depending on the situation.
In the jewish religion, we follow traditions including being wed after sundown, breaking the glass which is typically followed by a communal “Mazel tov!”, which means “good fortune” in Yiddish and is the equivalent of “Congratulations!” Partners must also exchange solid wedding bands, because nothing may be “cracked”; and i’d be remiss if I didn’t mention of course, incorporating a Hora into your reception, in which the bride and groom are lifted in the air on chairs and hold a handkerchief on either end to symbolize their union.
Obviously these traditions vary by religion, so I can only speak to those that I know, and that I come from. However, what I can say is to consider the religious beliefs of both you and your fiance, the religious traditions that matter to the older generations in your family, and the weight that holds over the decisions you make for your wedding. We come from different religions, and neither of us actively practice either, so we were married by my grandmother. She read poems and verses from writings that pertained to our relationship and we eliminated any religious traditions, although it may have broken my grandma’s heart.
Each family and relationship is different, so I caution people on relying solely on “traditions” to determine what they do for their wedding. No matter what type of tradition is in question, remember to focus on the things that will impact your wedding day, and how you’ll enjoy it the most.
If I missed a tradition, or if you personally have seen or done something to create a unique spin on a timeless tradition I’m eager to hear about it. As you begin planning you wedding, if you’re unsure how to tackle the traditions your family is expecting of you, and those you are intending on incorporating, let’s chat. Reach out via instagram or on the Contact page of the site to schedule your free consultation.
Happy March, wedding season is in FULL swing!!!!
Xoxo,
Alyssa
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