Hey Beautiful Readers.
As of February 7, 2024 the average number of guests attending a wedding is 141. This average accounts for a percentage of small, medium and large weddings. Small being anywhere between 1 and 50 guests, medium between 50-150 and large as 151+. Most couples can expect at least a handful of guests to decline, so how do we get from our invite list to our attendees?
When you get engaged and begin drafting your guest list you first should consider the people you absolutely need to have there. These are the people that when you think about your wedding day, you truly can not imagine them not being there. For some people, this is absolutely no one, others just their parents and grandparents, or even just best friends. Keep this as your baseline. You know, no matter what, they are being invited.
You can have a micro wedding, or you can add cousins, friends, colleagues, family friends - whoever; and increase that count to the capacity you can afford & want to surround yourself with on your big day. For some couples an intimate setting with their closest and dearest friends and family is their ideal celebration. For others, a large gathering of those they love and a grand celebration is what they’ve always dreamed of.
After you’ve created your baseline list, the next thing you need to consider is the type of event you’re having. Having a more intimate affair will limit the guests you extend an invitation to. The smaller the guest list, the more methodical about your invites you will need to be. Consult with your parents, especially if they are making financial contributions to the wedding day, and ensure you are not forgetting anyone that they must have. Be sure to set realistic boundaries with your parents. You want them to have a say and celebrate this big moment with their friends as well, but you are allowed to draw a line in the sand somewhere.
There are couples who get married in iconic destinations and consider the magnitude of the travel that entails when crafting their guest list. If this is the route you take, some couples will invite less people to alleviate pressure, others will invite their intended family and friends and expect that a large portion may decline due to travel and accommodations required.
In every scenario, no matter how big or small, you face the question of “Plus Ones”. You’ll realize very quickly that giving a majority of your guests a plus one can almost double your guest size. It’s uncommon that they will all take you up on it, but most will - so setting boundaries on your plus one accommodations is also a discussion you and your fiance will need to have. Maybe it’s as simple as no one, or everyone. For some people, “serious relationships” make the cut, for others - they just simply invite all those in relationships by name and eliminate the need for unknown guests to have an open invitation. There is no science to this, and often friends or family get caught in the uncomfortable middle ground, but weddings are complex, and you’ll never please everyone. Make sure you and your fiance are on the same page and convey those limits to both sides of friends and family.
You’ll be likely to upset someone along the way, maybe a second cousin or old neighbor. If you go super small there’s a chance you don’t include some friends or an in-law. As a rule of thumb, remember this is about you. Surround yourself with the people you want to share the dance floor with, that you believe should get to experience the intimacy of a vow exchange, those that you would travel near and far for as well. Another great perspective, consider how you feel when you aren't invited to a wedding, or how you might feel if you weren’t invited to someone’s wedding on your maybe list.
Always account for the absolute maximum. That means in budget, in decor purchases, in meal counts. It is unlikely that you get 100% attendance, but budget for it - because the last thing you want is to budget for 15 less people to attend and face a major financial increase in the final weeks before your wedding. Don’t send out sympathy invites in hopes that they just won’t come if you are unable to financially account for them, or fit them in your desired venue space. This is important as it’s a reality most of us don’t know until it is too late.
Once you nail down your guest list you can select from a variety of venues and destinations that accommodate your headcount. It is absolutely critical to set your guest list before selecting your venue because venues have a maximum capacity they can hold. Remember these seating schematics account for a bar, dj, dance floor, round or long tables, photo booths, and other items utilized in the space. Touring a venue that can not accommodate your guest count is like trying on a dress outside of your price range - you’re bound to fall in love with something that doesn’t make sense for you. Save yourself the trouble and shop venues only with the right accommodations. This may be more of a personal preference, but I always suggest finding a space that will allow you to fill the room. An extra large space will force you to spread too far out, and there may be awkward distance - you don’t want to feel small in a big space, fill the space you’re selecting. Keep this in mind when looking at a venue based on your guest count, and briefly discuss what design elements you can add to enhance the space.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least acknowledge the fact that you as the couple may face some disappointment as well. Guests may experience travel restrictions, illness or unexpected events, and a multitude of prior scheduled engagements they are unable to get out of. This could be as unfortunate as a close friend or family member being invited to two weddings on the same date. At times, guests will separate, some may have to decline, and for weddings that require travel, some may just simply be unable to make the trip. Being prepared for potential disappointment going in can eliminate any potential hurt you feel if someone close is unable to make it. Similarly to the rain, some things are completely out of your control - and without sounding like a broken record, you still can’t please everyone. Have these hard conversations early on, and set the right boundaries for you and your fiance to be set up for success when navigating the rest of the planning process.
The guest list will always be a complex component to navigate. You’ll answer a few “When are you sending save the dates”, to people that might not be getting one, you’ll inevitably invite people you lose touch with, and neglect to invite people you grow closer with. As a couple it is critical to invite the guests you can’t imagine celebrating this moment without; no matter how big or small that group of people is.
Xoxo,
Alyssa
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